I’m Baaaaaaaaaak

I’ve returned from my trip to Maine.  It was wonderful except getting in!  Somehow I took a look North of Boston and got off the throughway and got completely lost.  I was on another throughway (I think that is all Massatutti has).  I went into a little store and asked how to get to Maine because the map book I had was only of Maine.  The Gentleman at the counter said that if I would give him $40.00 he would tell me.  Well, basically, I told him nicely (not so nicely? what he could do with his own $40.00. and continued on my way.

New Hampshire has no sales tax so there are huge liquor stores along the throughways.  I would stop and call some one at one, get directions, and end up at the one on the other side of the throughway (after paying my toll of course).  I would ask the toll booth person who would point on and end up back at the first store.  I would do that again.  After four times I bought a small bottle of Jim Beam to celebrate if I ever got of that state.  Finally, Paul was able to give me directions on how to get back on 95.

As for tolls!  There were three in Maine.  One was for $3.00 and the other two were $2.50, $1.00 each time I entered New Hampster, a larger one for the Massatuttie pike and an even larger one for NY.

As I went over the bridge to Maine, I got to the first rest stop and hugged the nearest pine tree.  After 7-8 hours of driving, I was a real tree hugger.  I went into the octagonal (naturally) building and did my thing, came out and couldn’t find Sam and the car.  I walked all the way around the building and still couldn’t find it.  After hyperventilating again, I realized that there was a parking lot over a berm with pine trees on it.  Whew.  By then Sam had hyperventilated, too!

On to 90.  It felt like the hills and trees and rocks were hugging me.  Things have been busy since we left Maine.  In Massatuttie it looked like they were doing fracking all along the pike.  In Maine, the towns are growing; especially Auburn, Lewiston and Augusta and they had a few more extensions on 95 so where we used to get off looked totally different and where I was to get off was also totally different.  However, off we go and BINGO, there was my hotel!  However, the problem was to find the entrance.  Lots of back doors and a restaurant (that had dynamite chicken and spinach soup – in fact I gave a tablespoon to Sam and for the rest of the trip he would look at me when I put down his food as if saying “not on your life”).  Finally found the entrance, my unit, unloaded the car while Sam cried in the bathroom, sat down and called who I needed to call and had a shot of Jim Beam in water.  I even had a gas fireplace for ambiance.  I was settled at about 9:00 p.m.?  Actually I can’t remember.

Because of my mental illness (just kidding relatives) I can’t abide thinking of  bed bugs but didn’t have to worry because I grabbed the blankie and pillow that I had carried and flopped over sideways and crashed after eating the best soup in the world.  Sam guarded me.  He could have told me there was a monster approaching and I would never have heard him.  10 hours on the road is way too much!  However, I did remember the wakeup call and at 7:00 a.m. got up, got ready to see a house at 10:00 a.m, and got very explicit instructions from my girlfriend on how to get there.  After getting lost three time because I was on the wrong side of the river and with 0 minutes to spare I finally found her.  My friend!  A hug!  I was in heaven!

Quick rush to the house because we were late.  A little ramshackle.  Teeny weeny but a yard with lots of potential.  Actually the bedroom was as big as my spare with a closet, the living room will fit my desk and computer with a closet and the kitchen was large but really needs an island because it only had two drawers.  Of course, I can’t cook anyway…  The Property Manager THOUGHT the washer and dryer worked.  Nice even having them at that price.  I was worried about the “partially” finished cellar but I think they meant that because it was so short.  I was the only one that could walk around without ducking and hitting the beams.  And it had a “Wizard of Oz” door to the outside if there was a hurricane.  It needs some work and I asked if I could have laminate instead of carpeting (as long as they were replacing it anyway).  I have lots of hardware to replace the kitchen knobs and I didn’t want to go anywhere else so I said I wanted it.

Now we get to the tricky part.  I said only one person and two dogs were going to live there but of course had to put my husband’s income down.  My Social security would cover it but I might want to eat also.  The trouble:  They do a background check.  Front and center is my recent incarceration in the psyche ward.  So we will see how much that ruined my life.  I told them I had no family but was actually able to come up with one reference.  Paul, of course has family but is anti-social so when I brought the application home, had a bit of a hard time to think of a reference.  I told them I wanted it the first of November.  Oh, it also has a garage almost on the next block!

My friend and I went to eat at a diner that she used to work at and I met two more friends and while sitting there listening to the TV  blaring, I noticed that they were talking about a storm coming from home to there.  So, kissed her goodbye, went back to the hotel, took a long nap, packed and was out of there by 8:00 p.m.  It rained across the Berkshires but the traffic was goo except for the truckers (who were all good except for the one who tried to kill me) and Sam and I were home at 6:00 this morning and I’m wondering where the storm is.

Back to bed and woken up with a call from the Wayne Behavior Health asking why I missed my appointment yesterday.  I’m ready to call an attorney.  I cannot live this way.  I feel so violated.  Paul filled out his application for the house and I’m about ready to take another nap.  I’ve gone through my email and just don’t feel like answering any of the Facebook messages because here we go with no feelings again.  They have to approve me for the house!  What if they don’t?  What if I am stuck in this situation for the rest of my life all because of someone else?  My whole life has been controlled by someone and even though it is scary being by myself I just want to try it once, please.

I didn’t take the Hoosier from you.  You are angry because Dad gave it to me because he had not place to put it.  Even if I asked for a camp – so what?  all my three sisters were given one.  You say I borrowed 20K and didn’t pay it back…you gave that to me because it would save you taxes and said my sisters would get the same.  I will not say anything about the prudential accounts that Dad set up for us.  I have said I don’t want your money. I want your love.

I get notes from my family that is is SO hurt about putting this stuff on my blog and that is why they are angry at me.  Wrong, because they were so angry at me all my life way before I put this stuff on the blog.  People don’t talk to me  that I used to play with and helped them when needed and thought of them as brothers.  It is true that there may be some that don’t want me to put things on here but come one guys – you did it!  You hurt someone.  It is time to pay the piper.

My main personality trait is that I do not, nor can I, abide liars and procrastinators and they stand there and call me one when all I need is an apology.  I have been a scapegoat all my life.  I’m done.  The end.  Just because they give a different face to outsiders does not mean that was the face given to the family.  So fess up.  I’m not sure if they just can’t face it themselves or if they don’t want others to know.  Others don’t have to know.  Just apologize to me.  You won.  I’m going again.  I cannot take anymore private notes telling me how I’m hurting everyone and calling me a liar.  I cannot take any more people pretending to be me and calling the Wayne Health Substance Abuse.  I’m leaving.  I’m gone.

So tell me about hurt.


Oh the joys of November and pre-Christmas in central, fingerlakes, upstate New York! I have decided to describe where I am because even my friends on Face Book accuse (yes, accuse) me of being in New York City. I’ve been in New York City three times in my life:
1) Taking my dog to Westminster who, while walking (or running with the crowd) down the side walk picked up a piece of gum and had fun chewing it as we went in.
2) Taking the same dog to Westminster with my handler from Maine who, after dark decided to take a walk (and I decided like a dummy to go with him). As we turned the corner and saw the barrels with fire in them and the people standing around them I turned around as he was saying “Oh! isn’t this wonderful”. I did nag enough to get him to finally turn around and go the other way.
3) Taking that same darn dog to the Montgomery Specialty in Bucks County, PA, with my hubby in his old large Chevy pickup with cover (we couldn’t afford anything else since we were showing that dog) when somehow we got sucked under that long, long bridge and BINGO there we were in NY City. After a bit of panic we found our way out despite all the people in the one way streets that don’t look at anyone else even if they are going to be run over. We had our windshield washed at least 12 times and purchased a full bouquet individually.
Now where was I? Oh goodness, I hadn’t even started!
The joy of November… the brown mud and tan grass, the brown fir trees and leafless deciduous trees. The brown water puddles, the grey, dreary skies, the brown birds – even the geese are gone. So cheerful and enervating – just makes you want to dance with joy. After your nap. Makes you ready to do your pre-Christmas fun of rushing through Thanksgiving because the countdown has started, by eating a brown turkey with brown stuffing and gravy. Then dragging the decorations up and the tree – if you are silly, you can go purchase a tree, cut it off and watch it turn brown along with the floor under it. Or, you can purchase a live tree and add another fir tree to your already 30 fir trees in your yard in the spring. Then you open the boxes that were packed so well last year when you were sick of Christmas and just wanted them out of sight. Then sort them and throw away the precious glass ones that broke and untangle all the aluminum strings and pearl strings and lights and then have to run out and purchase new lights anyway because for some reason these don’t work. Ahhh! and then you get to put your decorations all over the house and wonder where to put that tree drawing made from a handprint and where to put all the things on the dressers where the decorations are going to go, stick the decorations on the windows to cover that brown because it still hasn’t snowed.
Now that the kids are off your back you can get our your address book and start labeling cards. I always write my return address and addressee address because I think it is so tacky to use stickers or computers, but, did they send you one last year? If they didn’t then why should you send them one? I mean, you have to mortgage the house to purchase postage now-a-days to send a cheap looking card. (Advertisement here to visit your local antique dealer and buy old Christmas cards during the year) Even if I use an old used Christmas card I either cross off the old sender’s name or for a little excitement and to keep those letters flowing to me I leave the old name and put “and Debbie and Paul”. That always wakes people up. Who the heck is Edith?
When you have permanent hand cramp (unless you have sent a copied Christmas letter telling me how much money you have and toys and good luck and new clothes and fun) instead of a little note you can start wrapping the presents!!! Luckily you have been visiting all those antique shops and picking up cheap, fun, interesting things as presents so you don’t have to brave the crowds to buy things that fall apart in one week or furniture made of particle board that warps when wet. Right? So, all you have to do is wrap them. Again, you have been visiting your local antique stores for old paper (even old newspapers) and bows and ribbons and do-dads that make your presents special even before they are opened and are just as easy to wrap but fun also. Unless…..you don’t use those bags do you? OH NO!!!! Well, that adds the old personal touch doesn’t it? You can recycle those forever, also, and you don’t have to spend any time at all on your friends because they probably aren’t worth it anyway!
Hoo Boy! Do you think I should stop for this post? Probably a good idea. Either way – y’all have a maaavelous Christmas and because of what it means now to everyone – may we hope it goes by fast!!!