Do Spill the Beans


Up and down and up and down.

Happy and sad and happy and sad.

Trying to keep busy by deciding what to take and what not to take,

What will fit and what will not fit into my new itsy, bitsy house.

My telephone – quiet as a mouse

I’ve always hated November and I think this one is going to be a whopper.  Friends that I thought were friends actually were not but yet then I get these people popping into view every once in a while that wave and say an encouraging word to me.  Relatives that are outside of the immediate family are either totally ignoring the situation or really don’t care.  Worse yet, they are probably listening to the immediate family about how horrible I am and what horrible things that I have done.  What are those horrible things?  That I said I was not going to go along with the dysfunction?  If that is the worst thing that I do in my life then I will be happy.

I hope it pleases my family to realize that I am very very sad.  That I don’t understand why this is like a pack of wolves jumping on the one injured wolf.  That I don’t want to live by myself in Maine but that I have to and that one of the supporters that I have is my husband who I am leaving.  Why is this?  Why is he one of the people that is telling me that I have to get away from this crazy unit and the lies that they are spreading about me?  Is everyone so afraid to go against the group that they don’t even think that I would like a hug goodbye or even a phone call to say that they will notice an absence?

This world could use some correcting and not just correcting of the global climate sort.  Because the world has so many ecological problems does not mean that I am going to add to them.  I think this same thing should be with the personal problems.  I now have a hint how it must feel to be one of the people trying to get warm on the new York city street vents.

I know that I am preaching to the choir here but I do take comfort in the fact that I’m not the only one that this is happening to and the fact that are thousands that have gotten through the pain of it.  Google it (ah, that wonderful Google)  Go to the help forums of Narcissism and Scapegoats.  Read some of those stories.  All similar.  Unfortunately, not much research has been done on narcissism because narcissists don’t see that they are doing anything wrong.  Nor, do they have a conscience.  So, therefore, they certainly do not go to get help.  The most similar thing that you see is the help for the prey.  It is RUN.  There is nothing you can do except make it worse, and I can vouch for that.  If you try to bring it up to either the people or those that are friends with the people that are doing the abuse, the abuse gets worse.

As for that other problem which my Mother said was in my blog and which wasn’t (it happened to be in the town historical society newsletter where I wrote an article wittily describing the buildings on my block in the 50’s and the trouble I used to get into), a pedophile remains a pedophile.  In this case there were several children there, one of which has written about this incident well before me for a college paper.  So, I either just copied the paper, or lied well after that person or told the truth after that person did.  I was obviously not the one to make it up Mother.

But cheer up, I’ll be gone soon and will be writing, I hope of bigger and better things.  What hurts is that my Mother will always believe the person who is lying about me without even asking for my version first.  I can only believe it is because she dislikes me so for “spilling the beans”.

Lesson:  It hurts but don’t be a politician.  Do “spill the beans”.  Perhaps if the politicians and people in this world would open up a bit then this world will be a bit better, will have a few less wars and will spread the wealth so there is a bit less famine and maybe, less health problems.

8 thoughts on “Do Spill the Beans

  1. Hi there. I am getting the currents, and have access to the pasts. Not sure if I can reply directly, will expolore. I think about you every day and wish I could be of help. At the moment the “help” is psychic and spiritual. Mom is up and down. She very much wants to go…sometimes she says home, and sometimes not. Bob thinks she means her condo,and I wonder if we are talking elsewise. My guess is to not tell her she “can’t”. Anyway, she’s fairly comfortable, eats a couple of meals, and sleeps a lot. She does get regular therapies during the week. Bob has spent hours trying to get “things in order” not that Mom didn’t have things organised, but the access to them has been a little tricky. At the same time we both have been updating wills. I have signed up for a long-term insurance, and a cremation plan. Jolly. Took a carload to Salvation Army the other day. some of Mom’s, but mostly ours. Whew! Are you still interested in that little (4x5x3) album (old)? Haven’t peeked at you latest ancestry entry. I just added a g-g-grandfather, and a family pic of Dad, his mother, and siblings. You can tell they weren’t the jolliest of people, only one is left. Well, enough. the election was depressing, so we carry on. Many tonnes of love!! esj

    Date: Sat, 8 Nov 2014 17:09:28 +0000 To: esjenks@hotmail.com

  2. Oh sweetie I wish there was a potion I could send you to mend your broken heart. The wounds always seem to be so much deeper when the perpetrator of said wound is of your own flesh and blood. I do hope you dont think of me as merely one of those who just fly by with a wave and an encouraging word. You know I adore you and you can call me anytime. November has to be one of the most depressing months of the year. Such a gloomy, grey month. Cold and bitter. Pack lots of warm things. You are never far from my thoughts dear friend, I love you very much. God, please give her the strength and mood to help her through this muck. ❤

  3. It’s sad there is so much disfunction in this world. Sadder even that those who are causing you so much pain and anguish “seem” to be unaware of their part in this. Monica is correct in her assessment. You have so many people who dearly love you and support you. We are just a phone call, e-mail, boblog or text away. I wish I could give you a hug every day. Just know that I am sending one to you in my heart. Prayers and support and love to you.

  4. Thank you Jackie. I’m not sure that they are aware of their part. Either it would hurt them too much to realize it or, as I mentioned, they just don’t have consciences.

  5. I am in the same boat. I havent read all of your blog..but I definitely will. I disclosed family secrets and have been made to be the scapegoat aka Satan’s child. Lol I’ve become very familiar with narcissism since then… my mother has got to be one of the worst.. but everybody from that family has played a big role in their famous smear campaign. I am sorry you are going through this. Stay strong.

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