I have always heard that “friends are people who support you and hold you up through thick and thin and that you can tell if a person is a good friend or a bad friend by these qualifications”. This is so true.
I have had many responses to my last two posts via email because they are mostly from my “friends”. I have had many “unknown to me” people start following my blog (not commenting whether they are following for entertainment, humor, sympathy or, in fact, have gone through the same thing themselves).
My oldest Sister, who has problems of her own, stated “I couldn’t even finish all of your postings – too off the wall”. I’m sorry that she felt this way. Had it been I reading the comments I would have just not read them and not let the writer know she was “off the wall” but as we all know, we are all different in our own ways.
My therapist says I am now going through Post Traumatic Stress and that my plan for this week should just be to relax. I really am going to try. She also gave me a hug. The thing I most wanted in this entire world and which made me feel 100% better. She still likes me. She still wants to see me. She still wants to let me talk about this to get it out of my system so that I can get over it and get back to normal. She will listen to me (paid or not), especially before I get to the point that I was at when I finally called her. The last time I spoke with her was 2.5 years ago when we both agreed that I was able to accept(?) the reactions of my family to me.
Based upon the reactions of my family versus the reactions of my friends, I agree. I should stick with my friends and keep a distance from my family. I’m sure that many of you feel this way but have learned it way, way before you were at the age of 62. At the moment my feelings are turning to grief; as if my three sisters and mother have passed on.
I can only follow my own path. Not theirs, not yours. The light in me from God is leading me. I am not alone, God is with me and I know where I am headed. I can only listen to directions from him as to where the path is. If I look to the right or left and see my family or some “friends” on another path I shouldn’t be sad that they are not with me and that we are not holding each other up. I can only go on.
This has been an incredible, frightening experience. To have your life removed from your own control and not know when you will get it back. To have your belongings taken away and to have to follow an institution’s schedule. To have to act happy so you can be released. To be locked in like/as a prisoner and to have your family completely turn away.
It will be a while.