Nightmare on Powers Road


This is not a good post. In fact it has nothing much to do with the joys of life or love or spiritualism. Most faint of heart and those with feelings probably won’t want to read it. But, those that have no consciences or feelings for others will love it so go for it.
On October 5, after making final arrangements, I advised my husband that I was going to take a break from our marriage and move in with my Sister for an uncertain amount of time starting on 1st November. He cried. I love him and he loves me but he is an alcoholic and has abused me verbally for 42 years. He has just now again started to clean up his act but I need to get away. I cannot move in with my Sister until 1st November because she has to clean the house and my Sister and I have not always gotten along. However, she just lost her job so I assumed that it would help both her and I and that he would feel better because I wasn’t moving over 5 miles away and would be closer. October 5 was not a good day and I was feeling terribly guilty and depressed. When I went to bed I told my husband that I was very depressed. He, knowing that I probably didn’t want to talk to him about it, suggested that I try calling one of the 800 support lines that are listed in the telephone book.
So, coming downstairs I did call, was put on hold for 1/2 hour and then a representative talked to me and found out I was depressed. So, he called 911. He asked If I had weapons in the house and I said “no guns, knives in the drawers in the kitchen but nothing else I could think of”. He asked me to put the dogs in a separate room. Whistle, whistle, within 15 minutes two sheriff cars and a state police car pulled up and came to the driveway.
Since I had called after I had gone to bed, they asked if my husband if he would go with me while I got dressed. OK. I thought maybe they were embarrassed. The night shirt DID have a small hole on the rim.   They then put me in cuff links and took me out to the police car and put me into the back seat. They drove me to the nearest hospital and we trooped up to the reception and waited for our names to be called. Remember, this is a very small area. I pulled my sleeves down as far as I could but I was still embarrassed because it was obvious that the policeman was watching over me.
OK, into emergency. I had all sorts of tests run: vitals, EKG, blood tests. By then I asked where my husband was so they did go and get him. By that time, I had repeated what had happened many times and finally a social worker (or Doctor)  came and told me I was going to be admitted to the mental ward. I said “no”. She said I would be arrested if I ran. I said “no”. five nurses came and gave me one heck of a shot. “ouch!!!” Then off I went. Meanwhile my husband had called my daughter who told the social worker that I often threatened suicide and she was worried about me so that finalized the case.  I can only assume that she was afraid for me and wanted me to be safe because both she and my husband have attempted suicide previously.  All my belongings were taken from me and I was given a bedroom and gowns to sleep in (I think – I was pretty out of it).
On October 6 just about every hour there was a program or snack. No cell phones, pencils or anything not squishy to do myself in with. Try to cut ham with your fork and spoon. I take so many pills for my cholesterol, familial tremor, calcium and supplements that it took until two p.m. the next day to straighten them out. When I went into the bathroom someone checked on me about every 3 minutes and while sleeping, nurses did their rounds with flashlights
I must admit that I liked the nurses, the doctor and the assistants but did not like the fact that I was given no information as to how long I was to be there. I had no outdoor privileges and the air was so dry that my nose was bloody.  I was frightened and in shock and as yet, had no diagnosis.
The next day I was sentenced to another day because they didn’t feel that I was “safe” because I had not yet written a “safety plan”.  I cried through dinner and had Tina call my mother to call my attorney (who was a good friend of hers) to get me the heck out of there. There was no result. Tina called my best friend who said he would love to come out from Cal. to help but, of course, I knew his situation which made it impossible. Most of the recreation was watching TV which all my readers know I do not do although I did get to paste words onto a sheet of paper. Reading the paperwork I found that I could be forced to stay there 15 days and then the time extended if two Doctors agreed. I was petrified because of being locked in. I figured if I had wanted to commit suicide that I would have done it. If I didn’t then I would have called the 800 number so I’m very depressed and confused.
On this day we had a 9:00 meeting deciding what we were going to wear for Halloween.  Great. Two of us chose ghosts. For me it was because it was easiest. Treatment teams were to meat today and Thursday with the last names A-L today and the rest Thursday. My Social worker was going to be Jackie. Hopefully I will be fit in today so that I don’t have to wait until Thursday. I visited the book case but couldn’t seem to get into concentrating on readings. My name was called for the treatment team! hooray. Forms galore. The most important paper was the Proactive Safety Plan that we made stating that the Doctor, Patient, Social Worker and Counselor were there and that we agreed on it. A copy of this paper was sent to the County Behavioral Health. This stated that I would be working on not being depressed, worried or about boundaries being placed upon me. I wondered what anyone else in the world was worrying about. I was also to be aware if I was being pushed. Such as being pushed into an institution? Believe me, I was well aware of it already. It stated that I would play with my dogs, call or visit someone if I had problems. Where to go to take my mind off the problems? This was a hard one. At the time I thought putting in my daughter, mother, store and sisters would be best because I really thought that they could help. Debi and Ken…you are the ones I would contact during a crisis although the other night it certainly would not have done much good to contact you. I stated that I was a (F)riend and had no weapons.
Next document was Emergency Information/Safety Numbers as in the ones I had called…HAH!
On my Hospital Problem List was stated depression (hooray, they had one thing right!) and that I was to go to the Behavioral Health Network on 10/10 at 9:00. It was stated that If I did not, the state police and sheriffs office would find me. My primary support to keep me safe were my husband, my daughter and my sister Dawn and that I was to go home with my spouse/sister. It was stated that I was saying I would hang myself out of frustration but would never do it and that I could keep myself safe and that they may call to follow up. I then received my belongings and a flue shot and in shock walked out to the car with my husband.
Errand #1 on the way home was to stop at my Mother’s and tell her thank you for her understanding and for calling my attorney to help get me out of there. She said she did not call the attorney and understood that I had checked myself in because of alcoholism and that my youngest sister had told her that I had called her an alcoholic.  Later she changed this to telling me that I only wanted to get out of there because I wanted a drink.
OK. After that shock I went home and called my older sister and younger sister. seven hours later, my oldest sister has not returned the call. A few hours ago my younger sister called to tell me that she was changing her mind on her offer of me staying with her starting 11/1 because she didn’t think she could care for me.  How nice after I had told my husband which started this whole mess!
So, since that was my “safety plan” I expect the police to come at any moment. I’m really not feeling so safe right now although the more friends I tell this story to, the more friends that I get nice offers from.
Now, I’m exhausted and going to go to my own waterbed with my dogs and try to sleep!
Nite

2 thoughts on “Nightmare on Powers Road

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