Ruby


When I was a youngster and in Girl Scouts we used to sing this song “Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold”. For over a year now I don’t think that there has been a day that I haven’t thought of Ruby. When Ruby and I could physically see each other we only saw each other three or four times a year. When my Hubby and I moved to Northern California she and her partner would come up for a yearly weekend and we would all go wine tasting and they would buy their yearly supply of wine. When we moved to Maine it was Christmas greetings only. She would send her card with sparkly things in it and every year I would curse at myself for being so stupid as to open it so they dumped everywhere and I would have to pick them up!
Then, when Ruby got sick the last time we started corresponding by email and I got closer and closer to her. She was one of the most courageous, cheerful people that I have ever known going through what she did. She was always optimistic. Then she stopped writing and I continued but I knew that I was going to lose her as I knew her. This was confirmed by her husband this week by email stating that she had wished to have a memorial service and get together for friends and family in February.
As I sit here having to stop typing and wiping off the alcohol tears from the top of my dog’s head, I realize that I shouldn’t drink when I’m sad and that I took this passing pretty hard for not having heard her voice for 30 odd years. But if there is Karma, Ruby is going to come back a pretty special person if she does come back.
When I received her husbands email, I already knew what had happened without even reading the subject line. However, I was thrown by the fact that I was one of the elite invited to the memorial. That would be a long, sad, expensive trip. However, I have learned at times like this that sometimes it is better to grieve with others and get it out of your system rather than holding it inside so I decided that it probably would be good for me to attend. Also, Ruby was not the only person that I loved in Southern California. I don’t have too many friends because I have moved so much but the ones that I have, I have held onto without seeing for many years and have held onto them via the written word with once in a while a telephone call. Again, I have moved so many times that almost all of my friends ARE long distance. So, I thought that perhaps there could be more good in the trip that Ruby was giving me.
The big thing is that I’m saving my money to go to Colorado with Karla for her first dog show. This trip would probably cost a good $1,000.00 for the cheapest round trip air fare, hotel for a minimum of two nights, taxi twice from and to LAX and the Hotel in downtown Los Angeles (almost), food and (of course) a good old Los Angeles margarita or two. So, I would want to make it worth it. Since my Hubby’s sister lives in Seal Beach I could maybe stay there. But, she and her Hubby had made plans eons ago to go on a trip so I wouldn’t even get to see them. They, of course, offered the house but a taxi from there would be outrageous! My girlfriend in Anaheim said she would like to get together if I came out. An old friend right by the Hotel didn’t have email and I know that he had been having health problems. In fact, I’m missing two years of Christmas cards from him so I have to get on that to see what is going on. Another close friend said that they were not going to the memorial and perhaps we could meet for brunch. The rest of the group of us I hadn’t kept in touch with. I still loved them but why contact them now?
Thinking about all this makes it even more depressing. These are friends but these are not friends that you can rely on if you are in trouble. Not one of them immediately said “oh! I haven’t seen you for years! I’ll cancel my plans and you can stay here! Please!”
So here we go again. Does this make me a sucker or am I too sensitive or am I just stupid when I hear that other friends from other places are coming here and I say “if you don’t see me I’m going to kill you!” And it really isn’t the money. I have a brother-friend that I love to have stay here. I wish he would move in. I would never ask someone that I didn’t think was close to me if I could stay. Actually, I planned to stay in the hotel but it would have been nice for me to say “nah, thanks very much but really…”
This puts a whole new perspective on the trip. Do I wish to spend $1,000.00 when I know that Ruby would want me to do what I want to do. It doesn’t make me love my friends there any less, but it does make me look at them in an entirely different perspective. What I would do for them is not necessarily what they would do for me. For instance, I don’t think they would come out here if my dog died like I drove to Maine to be with my girlfriend when hers passed unexpectedly. In fact, if my husband died I don’t think they would come out here either because why come out to see just one person? Exactly.
So what would you do?

One thought on “Ruby

  1. Your key words were in the last paragraph……”Ruby would want me to do what I want to do” …. In other words look into yourself. That is the only “right” answer. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says…believe in yourself and do what is right for “you”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s